The Man Your Son Needs to Follow Online
I have spent a long time on this blog writing about the people and the platforms you need to protect your children from. That is important and always will be. Today I want to do something a little different, because occasionally you find someone online who gives you genuine hope, and I think hope is also worth sharing.
I have been following a man called Bernie Bernard for a while now. His Instagram account is @_whatmakesaman_. If you have a son, a grandson, a nephew, or a teenage boy in your life at all, I want you to know who he is.
This is not a sponsored post, nobody asked me to write this. I am writing it because I genuinely believe Bernie is the kind of online presence we desperately need more of right now, and because parents need to hear about him.
Why Online Safety Isn’t Just About Predators
In my opinion, we are in a crisis when it comes to the male role models young boys are encountering online. And I say that as someone who has spent years looking at what happens when children are failed by the adults around them.
A 2025 report by Male Allies UK, The Voice of the Boys,1 surveyed 1,032 boys aged 11 to 16 across England, Scotland and Wales. It found that 81% of them don’t feel there are enough spaces to be a boy today. 72% don’t have more than one person who knows them really well. 79% aren’t even sure what masculinity means.
Whilst those boys are looking for an answer to that question, the algorithm is ready and waiting with its own.
The same research found that in a typical classroom of boys, at least 24 of them will have been exposed to Andrew Tate’s content. The manosphere isn’t a fringe issue. It is sitting in the middle of your son’s feed right now, dressed up as self-improvement, telling him that strength means dominance, that vulnerability is weakness, and that women who won’t comply deserve contempt.
I have seen firsthand where that ideology can lead when it takes root. I will not share the details because that is not what this post is about. What I will say is that the boys who end up in the worst situations are almost always boys who had nobody telling them a different story.
Bernie Bernard tells a different story.
Who Is Bernie Bernard?
Andrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard is a professional speaker, an author, a cancer survivor, a husband and a dad. He is also one of the most quietly powerful voices on masculinity I have come across.
He has spent over twenty years working with young people in schools. And for the past decade, his work has been driven by something deeply personal. Bernie’s sister, Sarah, was murdered by her controlling partner in February 2012.2 He turned that loss into a life’s mission.
His programme is called What Makes a Man? He estimates he has spoken to over 165,000 young people, teachers, youth workers, sports teams and employees.3 He is a TEDx speaker.4 He has written The Ladder, a careers book for young people, published by Crown House.5 He is an ambassador for Ask for Angela, the national scheme that helps people signal they need help when they feel unsafe.6
He is currently working on a second book about helping schools tackle unhealthy masculinity in young men.
But what makes him worth following on Instagram isn’t the credentials. It’s the way he shows up.
What Good Male Role Models Look Like Online
Bernie posts without pretension. He is funny, warm, and direct. He does not shy away from calling out the nonsense that passes for male empowerment in the manosphere.
He talks about what healthy masculinity actually looks like, not as a lecture, but as a conversation. He talks about empathy, about building good relationships, about the difference between confidence and arrogance, about what coercive control looks like before it escalates.
One of the things I admire most is that he doesn’t just tell young men what they are doing wrong. He said it himself:
Telling young people what they are doing wrong hardly ever stopped them wanting to do those things.7
Instead, he opens up space to think and he asks questions. What makes a man? What decisions are you making right now that will define the rest of your life?
He is also honest about his own life in a way that models the openness we want young men to feel is possible. A cancer diagnosis. Family grief. The idea that being a man does not mean being unmoved.
From where I sit, he is actively taking on the ‘Masculinity Influencers’ and ‘Gymbros’ of this world, not by screaming into the void, but by being the alternative. The voice in the room that says: there is another version of this, and it is better for everyone, including you.
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Why This Sits Within Online Safety
My lane is online child safety and this sits firmly within it. Because the biggest online safety risk for boys right now is not just predators in the traditional sense. It is ideology, it is a pipeline that starts with a funny video and ends somewhere much darker.
The best protection against that pipeline is not blocking and filtering, it is better content, better conversations and better role models. If your son is going to be on Instagram anyway, and he almost certainly is, then who he follows matters. Who lands in his feed shapes what he thinks is normal.
Bernie landing in his feed is a good thing, trust me.
What You Can Do Today
This one is very simple.
Follow @_whatmakesaman_ on Instagram (Substack also Andrew 'Bernie' Bernard) and have a look at his content yourself first. Show a post to your son, or just mention his name and let curiosity do the rest.
If you are a teacher or a DSL, look into his school programmes. His What Makes a Man? sessions and his Domestic Violence: Sarah’s Legacy keynote are designed exactly for the audiences you work with. His website is innovativeenterprise.co.uk.
At home, you do not need to make this a Serious Conversation. You can just say, I saw this bloke online and thought what he had to say was interesting, what do you think? Open the door and let them walk through it themselves.
That is always the basis of what I write. Not surveillance, not control, just open, honest, and non-judgmental conversation. Bernie models that from the other side of the screen.
A Final Word
I don’t have children of my own. Colleen and I have two angel babies who never got to come home, and there is not a day that goes by that doesn’t enter my mind.
But I care deeply about the children who are here. The boys who are scrolling right now, looking for an answer to a question nobody has taught them how to ask. The young men who are one algorithm away from being told that anger is strength and women are the enemy.
If I can do one small thing through this blog, it is occasionally to point you towards the people who are doing the real work. Bernie Bernard is doing the real work.
Go follow him. Share this with someone who needs it and if you are a parent who is worried about what your son is watching online, know that you are not alone in that worry, and there are people building the antidote.
As always, thank you for your support. Please share this across your social media, and if you do have any comments, questions, or concerns, then feel free to reach out to me via the Social page, as I am always happy to spend some time helping to protect children online.
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If you or a child you know needs support:
Childline: 0800 1111 | childline.org.uk
Available 24/7, 365 days a year. Free, confidential, and here for every child.
[1] Male Allies UK - The Voice of the Boys Report (October 2025) | maleallies.co.uk | Accessed June 2026. Survey of 1,032 boys aged 11–16 across 37 schools in England, Scotland and Wales. Figures cited are self-reported. The classroom statistic regarding Andrew Tate’s content is drawn directly from the report.
Crime Analyst Podcast, Episode 205 - My Sister Sarah’s Legacy (August 2024) | crime-analyst.com | Accessed June 2026. Confirms Sarah Gosling was murdered by Ian Hope on 25 February 2012; Hope was convicted of murder.
Ask for Angela - Ambassador Profile: Andrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard | askforangela.co.uk | Accessed June 2026. The 165,000 figure is Bernie’s own estimate across all speaking engagements and is not independently audited.
Innovative Enterprise - Speaker: Bernie Bernard | innovativeenterprise.co.uk | Accessed June 2026. Confirms TEDxWhitehaven talk, title: Engineering Random Opportunities to Succeed.
Independent Thinking Press - The Ladder | independentthinkingpress.com | Accessed June 2026. Bernie’s first book published by Crown House/Independent Thinking Press.
Ask for Angela - Ambassador listing | askforangela.co.uk | Accessed June 2026.
Innovative Enterprise - What Makes a Man? programme page | innovativeenterprise.co.uk | Accessed June 2026. Direct quote from Bernie’s own programme description